Hi Michael!Reading the first story in your portfolio, I really liked how many pictures you included in your story. They all fit so well into the story you wrote. I also think you did a great job using dialogue to explain things about Kanto and Pokemon in general. One thing I was sort of confused about was the "finally" in the title. It might make more sense if you either dropped that from the title or explained the ways Team Rocket has tried to capture Pikachu in the past and what went wrong. Another thing that might be cool to add is the theme song to the show that inspired your story. I think it would be fun for your readers to listen to before reading. Lastly, I noticed you spelled Ramayana wrong in the author's note. Other than that, great work! Good luck with the rest of your portfolio!
Hi Michael,I really enjoyed reading your first story in your portfolio. I thought it was really cool and unique how you took a story from the Ramayana but put your own twist and theme on it. I am not super familiar with Pokemon so it was interesting to read it and put together some of the characters. I also agree with hannah that the pictures helped tie everything together and make it interesting for the reader. My favorite part was the ending because I had no idea what was going to happen. You did a really good job of keeping the reader engaged throughout the whole pot of the story to see how it all turned out. I wonder how the story would've been different if the friend did not go after Ash to help, could be a totally different ending to the story! Overall, I really enjoyed it, good job.
Hello Michael,I really enjoyed reading the story. It was great how used your favorite Ramayana story and connected it with another favorite story from your childhood TV show. I also grew up watching Pokemon. The comparison of Ravana capturing and taking Sita away with him to Team Rocket capturing Pikachu is brilliant. The story was told well and capturing. I was a bit disappointed at the end because I wanted to know how Ash and Brock figured out that they were just tricked and see know their reaction. I also would have liked to for you to mention the golden deer to the pokemon scene so the reader can see what you see in your comparison I am really happy/excited you chose to center your stories around pokemon, and I think it's cool how you saw that parallel! I love when writers find similar stories with different ones and write about it, It's kind of like when an artist samples music in their song.. All around, I enjoyed reading your story. It was a smart and fun read. Good luck with the rest of your portfolio!
Howdy Michael, I love this flip on the “grass is always greener” theme. This is easily one of my favorite Jataka tales, I am super happy to see it retold in the way you have. I am sure this will be a lot more accessible to a broader audience than the original version. I like the tonal shift in this story from the very consistent punishment of those who couldn’t be content with what they had to the more layered twist of the crab gaining the upper hand on the original predator. It seemed somewhat harsh to me initially seeing that the crab executes the swan, but after spending more time with this tale it seems a lot more justified. The swan was abusing his power over the fish in a very devious way and because of that his fate was sealed. I am excited to see where this project goes, as you clearly have a strong vision for its overall arc.
Hey Michael,I'm a big Pokemon fan, so your site is exactly what I like to see! Pokemon Red was the first game I ever got on my Gameboy. I'm hoping to see you write a Charizard story eventually. It seems like you only have Pokemon stories on your site so far, why do you have a basketball hoop on your frontpage? Also, I'd recommend putting a short description on your site just to signal whether or not your website is a Portfolio or a Storybook. It isn't strictly speaking necessary, but it might help first time readers figure out what you are going for with your project. As for your stories, you do a really good job with your dialogue. I personally find dialogue really difficult to write, but your second story is almost entirely built off of dialogue, so kudos to you for that! One thing I would work on is formatting– you do a break after pretty much every sentence (even those without dialogue). I think if you had more blocks, or cohesive breaks, then it would make your story more clear.
Hi Michael! I love the idea of your portfolio! One thing right off the bat, there wasn’t a link to your comment wall on the front page. I would add that!! I like that you are using cartoons as your primary photos. I think that’s a very different twist since most of us are using pictures from the Epics we have read. Including cartoon pictures is such a unique way to get people's attention. Also, including your author's note at the beginning of your story sets your reader up to better understand how your story will relate back to an Indian Epic and I think that sets them up to better comprehend the story. I know I’ve run into issues where I will read the entire story and still not know where the author is coming from until I read their note at the end. Great choice doing it at the beginning. Specifically talking about your second story, Team Rocket…, I really enjoy the length and dialogue. It felt like a full story and the dialogue helped it flow much better. I think you're doing a great job! Maybe one suggestion is changing your banner picture for each story, but I still think your project is coming along great!
Hey Michael! I thought it was cool how you took something that many of us grew up with, like the antagonist from Pokémon, and you incorporated into the Ramayana. I admit I was pretty excited to see how you executed it. As I started reading, I couldn’t help but feel immersed in the world and I think adding in a large amount of dialogue was the correct choice here. It really did feel like I was watching an episode! You made the conversation easy to follow and you added in elements that took the Pokémon universe and molded it into the over-arching plot of the Ramayana. I have to give you some props! If I had to throw out a suggestion, I might say there is a prime opportunity to throw in a bit of narration about the battle in between some of the dialogue that could give a descriptive breakdown on the battle that wouldn’t have to be done from a dialogue standpoint. Overall, I really enjoyed this. Thank you!
Hi Michael! I really enjoyed both of the stories that you have written in your Portfolio. As I give feedback I will be focusing on your Author's Note. I liked how you have placed your Author's Note at the beginning of both of your stories. It provides the reader with all the background information they need to appreciate the story better and also allows the readers to almost sit where you, the writer, is sitting and look at the story with your mindset. I also really like the content of the Author's Note. It is very naturally written as if you were standing in the front of the readers talking about how you have connected something that you love (Pokemon) with the original, historic, Indian epic. This makes the reader more engaged because there is a new twist to the story. Overall, you have done a great job with your stories, that I do not have any questions or suggestions. Keep up the great work!
Hi Michael! I’m happy to revisit your portfolio! I love that the theme of your portfolio is based around Pokémon. I think Pokémon has so many characters and different plot whole, that it is very easy to think that some of the Ramayana stories can easily be played out in there as well! I have read many versions fo the Golden Deer story, I think it’s a great one to retell since you can add so many twists to it. I think one suggestion for you is to maybe add more details to your image information. I think it would be super interesting to see how the images were connected to the story beyond just the characters! Also, there is not a link to your comment wall on your page, I would suggest adding one. (Or maybe I could not find it?) I think the only other suggestion I have is to maybe consider changing your header picture. Other then this, I think you’re writing is very good. Your stories are long and keep the reader fully engaged, so I would not change anything there!