Monday, February 17, 2020

Comment Wall


Go read my new and updated version of my story.

4 comments:

  1. Hi Michael!
    Reading the first story in your portfolio, I really liked how many pictures you included in your story. They all fit so well into the story you wrote. I also think you did a great job using dialogue to explain things about Kanto and Pokemon in general. One thing I was sort of confused about was the "finally" in the title. It might make more sense if you either dropped that from the title or explained the ways Team Rocket has tried to capture Pikachu in the past and what went wrong. Another thing that might be cool to add is the theme song to the show that inspired your story. I think it would be fun for your readers to listen to before reading. Lastly, I noticed you spelled Ramayana wrong in the author's note. Other than that, great work! Good luck with the rest of your portfolio!

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  2. Hi Michael,

    I really enjoyed reading your first story in your portfolio. I thought it was really cool and unique how you took a story from the Ramayana but put your own twist and theme on it. I am not super familiar with Pokemon so it was interesting to read it and put together some of the characters. I also agree with hannah that the pictures helped tie everything together and make it interesting for the reader. My favorite part was the ending because I had no idea what was going to happen. You did a really good job of keeping the reader engaged throughout the whole pot of the story to see how it all turned out. I wonder how the story would've been different if the friend did not go after Ash to help, could be a totally different ending to the story! Overall, I really enjoyed it, good job.

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  3. Hello Michael,
    I really enjoyed reading the story. It was great how used your favorite Ramayana story and connected it with another favorite story from your childhood TV show. I also grew up watching Pokemon. The comparison of Ravana capturing and taking Sita away with him to Team Rocket capturing Pikachu is brilliant. The story was told well and capturing. I was a bit disappointed at the end because I wanted to know how Ash and Brock figured out that they were just tricked and see know their reaction. I also would have liked to for you to mention the golden deer to the pokemon scene so the reader can see what you see in your comparison I am really happy/excited you chose to center your stories around pokemon, and I think it's cool how you saw that parallel! I love when writers find similar stories with different ones and write about it, It's kind of like when an artist samples music in their song.. All around, I enjoyed reading your story. It was a smart and fun read. Good luck with the rest of your portfolio!

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  4. Howdy Michael,
    I love this flip on the “grass is always greener” theme. This is easily one of my favorite Jataka tales, I am super happy to see it retold in the way you have. I am sure this will be a lot more accessible to a broader audience than the original version. I like the tonal shift in this story from the very consistent punishment of those who couldn’t be content with what they had to the more layered twist of the crab gaining the upper hand on the original predator. It seemed somewhat harsh to me initially seeing that the crab executes the swan, but after spending more time with this tale it seems a lot more justified. The swan was abusing his power over the fish in a very devious way and because of that his fate was sealed. I am excited to see where this project goes, as you clearly have a strong vision for its overall arc.

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